he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
