Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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