i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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