There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
