apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
