is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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