I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
