I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
