can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Sponge bath it is.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
