Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
