It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize