dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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