Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
