He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
my nose is crying tears of wow.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
