I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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