I feel great
I just peed on a car
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
