Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
