when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
