Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
