But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
