I'm gonna have a badass scar
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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