New invention idea: vibrating tampons
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
