Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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