he wants to bone in the snuggie
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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