Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
