Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
