in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
