is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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