The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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