You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
