Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
