He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Your penis caused this!
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