Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
