The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
