You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
