i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize