so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
