I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
