The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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