I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
