You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
