Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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