he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
