I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
