she was so not down for the gang bang
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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