2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
