His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
How does it feel to date your dad?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
