did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Princesses don't give blow jobs
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
