she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
