It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize