I think my fart just growled at me.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
