hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
