the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
that's an acceptable place to lick
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
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