worst night to have a conscience
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
sex in a hospital.. check
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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