consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
