There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
