end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
