Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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