the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
