hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
thus making me awesome and them whores
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
