I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
