I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
