You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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