No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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