she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
